The World according to Rich - Being Tall

Well, its annoying more times than it's cool, let's be honest. Being tall isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Now, I know those who are at less than average height are going "Pshaw, better than being short", well, no, it isn't. Trust me. It's a hell of alot easier to compensate for a shorter person than it is to compensate for a taller one.

Let's look at the evidence...





CLOTHING:

Is a pain in the ass to find. No two ways about it. When you do finally find the right leg length, the clothes are so ugly you wouldn't dress a giraffe in them. Same with shirts and jackets. Try finding a suit that fits. You'll be hard pressed to find one off the peg, which means you'll have to pay through the ass to have one tailor made. Shoes are exactly the same. You're paying more to cater for something you have absolutely no control over. I can understand if you're so grotesquely fat you have to wear a tarp, but come on, you cant help how tall you are, and I cant exactly take a chunk out of my foot to squeeze into a size 10 or 11 (I'm a 15) can I. Therefore, I'm expected to pay upwards of £60 for a pair of simple shoes, whereas others can get them for about £25-30. Sound fair to you? Fuckers.





CARS -

As I had already alluded to in a previous rant, finding affordable transport when you're north of 6' 3" is a task and a half. Fitting in the car is one thing, but actually having a car you can use for anything other than driving by yourself is difficult. I can fit a max of two when I'm driving (unless someone has no legs, then it's all good, let me know and I'll hack em off for you) and I can only just afford to insure the car I've got now. If you're young and tall, you're fucked automotively, frankly.


THEME PARKS -

Probably one of the most annoying factors. Very rarely have I met a rollercoaster in the UK that has enough legroom for someone who actually possesses legs. Its depressing, because I always feel like I'm missing out. I want to vomit on the 6 year old girls in the car behind just as much as the next man, but cant because whoever makes the rides cant add an extra 5 inches to the front of the seats. I actually almost got my head taken off in America riding one. There was a low wooden sign, and if my girlfriend of the time hadnt grabbed my head, I'd probably be typing this from the morgue in North Carolina. Erk.


PEOPLE -

Yeah. People. Thats the biggest annoyance I have when it comes to this issue. I know I'm tall. I dont need to be reminded every five seconds by you, or anyone else. If there was a PhD in Stating the Fucking Obvious with a Bachelor's in Dumbassery, then the people who stand gawping and saying "Wow, he's tall" would graduate with honours. I also hate it when people come up to me and ask me if I play any generic sport where large people are employed. "Do you play basketball? Do you play rugby? Why not?" - its a bit like asking a midget "Do you get shot out of a cannon? Are you involved in a theatrical version of Snow White?" it's offensive. And I dont play either because they just dont interest me. Sure, I'd probably be okay at basketball, but I'm not going to run and sign up just because I'm 6' 7". But it seems people think that's the only thing I *can* do because of that. Piss off. I'll go play bikini volleyball if I want to.

It really pisses me off too when people whisper to each other and stare at me, instead of striking up a conversation. If you approached me and said "Excuse me, how tall are you?" Fine, I'd smile and tell you, then have a nice chat. But instead, people just whisper and giggle, and make me feel rather uncomfortable.

People who know me well know I'm an incredibly gentle giant. (Hard to believe reading some of these rants, I know, but it's true) That said, it confused me during my school days that people seemed to think it a good idea to single out the biggest guy with the biggest fists to pick on. If I wasn't me, I probably could've seriously hurt someone. I think I've only ever punched someone two or three times in my whole life, and that was when they pushed a little bit too far. Jibes against me I can take, but my friends and family, no. I remember once I was freezing cold after walking to school in the snow, only to be told it was closed; and some fucknut decided to smash a snowball in the side of my face. I turned around, calmly grabbed him by the collar and lamped him so hard he couldnt stand up for a few minutes; then walked home. Funnily enough, the abuse stopped after that.

In conclusion, being tall isnt all it's cracked up to be. Sure there are people bigger than me, but I'm not living their lives. I'm stuck with mine, and frankly, it'd be alot easier if people could just get to know me before thinking I'll eat their child and house.


(Wow, that was quite a timid post, wasn't it.)






Much better.