The World According to Rich - Packaging

Goddamnit, why are things you buy so hard to get at? You buy a DVD or game, and it's packed tighter than a camel's arsehole in a sandstorm. WHY?! If its to stop people opening the case, then just have an empty display one on the shelf. Dont waste a good 5 minutes of my time (and a fair few gnaws) just to get at it.

The worst offenders for this kind of useless bullshit is when you buy anything that isnt a potato from the supermarket. I bought a new razor today, and sure enough, it had one of those packets with absolutely no way of getting in. Not one to be easily deterred, I ate most of the packaging to get to my moisturising bounty - but, when I finally got enough leverage to open the packet, it opened with such force that one of the blade refills hit a stray stuffed cat with such ferocity that it cast most of my bookshelf onto my head.

I didnt take that very well, it must be said.

You'd think that in these economically tight times, you'd expect to find things a bit easier to get at, considering you paid an extra £10,000 for a pack of AA batteries. But no, you waste more time trying to unpack the fucking things that you'd be better off getting a hamster and a wheel attached to a dynamo to power your X-Box controller.

The same can be said for car accessories. I went on a bit of a binge recently and bought some essentials to keep in the boot (i.e. a first aid kit, tow rope, jumper cables) - and found a rather nifty looking toolkit that had pretty much all the critical things in it. Screwdrivers, ratchet, torch, all that jazz. I paid about £15 for it, which isnt as cheap as I had hoped, but I justified it by thinking of how I can effortlessly unscrew a troublesome attachment, or use the ratchet to take the wheels off of someone's bicycle (it's your own fault for wearing lycra you giant plank).

Imagine my dismay then, when I opened the box to find that every tool had its own individual bit of plastic wrapping. I swore so much that Noel and Liam Gallagher would have blushed. Why is it even necessary? Hygiene? How many people do YOU know who'll open a toolbox and go "HURR I'MMA LICK THIS SOCKET WRENCH HAHADERP"? Morons.

You also see this shit when you buy sweets nowadays. One cant enjoy the fruity delight of a Fruit Pastille, because some twat has forgotten to make the packet open without all of the contents exploding in a million different directions. Take a page out of the book of the Revel, and make them re-sealable at least. I dont want to have to seperate a sweet from pocket lint when I'm on the go.

On a side note, dont you hate it when you have a DVD or a game, and pressing down on the centre of the case doesnt make the disk pop up? Instead, you bend it more than a gymnasts fanny and risk snapping the thing before you've even had the chance to enjoy the second series of Miami Vice. I despair, readers.

When I come to power, all this shit will be banned; and anyone found vacuum packaging their products will be shot in the face and shoved up a monkey's asshole.