Sobreity, and the difficult journey to normality

It's been a long time since I've written a blogpost; be it here, elsewhere, everywhere or never..where.. or something. However, this time I really want to talk about something important, and something that hundreds of thousands of people fight against each and every day. Alcoholism.

Now, Alcoholism is a word that is frequently tossed around rather freely to describe anyone from those that go clubbing every Saturday and get smashed, to those who are passed out in alleyways wearing 10 year old coats. I can't comment on those types of people, and I don't pretend I can, but I believe I am in one of the worst groups; the ones that try to hide it.

I know usually on this blog, I try to be funny by swearing a whole bunch, posting stupid pictures, and ranting about things that really don't affect me, but this particular issue has, for the past 4 to 5 years. Drink has been a scapegoat for me for a long, long time. When I was unemployed, I used to drink a shitload of horrible white cider to drown out the nagging feeling I should be doing something. SOMETHING. Then my first job in a while came along. I was an admin for a charity, that let me work from home for three days a week. I had the opportunity to earn money without spending a penny, and I fucked it up by doing the bare minimum. When I was at the office, I found work placements for dozens of kids, but the fact that I could have done more haunts me to this day, every time I look at a bottle.

Then I found a job in retail, I won't say where just incase, but I finally found a distraction of sorts; for a while. Then I was earning money, which I could easily spend on a few drinks at home. Which I did, for almost two years.

The thing that affects me most is my family. I'm sure every single one of them know, yet it's taken this long to do something about it. I'm literally pissing away potential for the sake of one night a little bit lightheaded, at a cost of about £10 a pop. Is it worth it? Really?

No-one begrudges someone a drink at the end of a work week, but I never knew when to stop. I wanted to wake up the next morning and get into the exact same state. It was a disgusting way to be. To be in a constant stupor, snapping at people, never coming out of my room, I hated it, yet it was something I couldn't stop.

Until I posted on Facebook a frank, and extensive talk about what I felt. The amount of support I got was phenomenal and every time I look at booze it makes my heart pang thinking of them. Do I go overboard and let them down? Or do I just have a glass, instead of a bottle? I had no idea that many people cared about me that much, and, alas without a funny picture, caption, or joke, must sum up this post.

Thank you, you fantastic, wonderful people.