The World according to Rich - Wrestling

Since the early 2000's, wrestling has sucked monkey nuts, and it's easy to see why. There's no competition.

Now, for my readers who are starting to roll their eyes, thinking they cant relate, bear with me, seriously. The 80's and 90's gave us people like Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, Sting, Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock - people you'd tune in to see, whether they talked or wrestled, it didnt matter. Can you say anyone nowadays is the same? I doubt it.

I remember in the past, every Tuesday morning in the school playground, all anyone could talk
about was the WCW Nitro or the WWF Raw on Monday Night. Nowadays, we prefer to forget what WWE calls a "show" Eurgh. And I can probably explain why.

WWF buying out WCW was pretty much what killed wrestling. It's like Microsoft buying Apple. With no competition, people get complacent. Vince McMahon thinks people will lap up whatever bullshit he serves up, because there's nothing else. A product which, because I'm an idiot, keep giving a chance. It keeps fucking me in the ass without lube though. So bugger it.

TNA has recently signed Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff, and a whole bunch of ex-WWE wrestlers - in the hope that it can compete with WWE on Monday Nights. It can't. It just doesnt have the money.

It pisses me off that every time I watch a wrestling livestream online, I get people spamming the chat with "TNA RULES" or "WWE RULES" - neither do. WWE has more money, and the only selling point for TNA is that they "aren't WWE". Try again Dixie. it'll take more than that to make me interested in it again.

Signing Hogan and Bischoff arguably means that you are straddled with the biggest egos in the sport, so I dont give TNA much time. Both of those guys want another WCW (which, for non wrestling fans was WWF's big competitor for a while), yet, because like I said, their selling point is that they're "Not WWE". Fine, but you're gonna have to pull your finger out more to get me interested in the events you run.

I noticed since Hogan started, a whole lot of "old faces" (emphasis on OLD) have been making an appearance. Scott Hall (Razor Ramon), Sean Waltman (X-Pac (who people still dont care about)) and Hogan himself (who is about 600 years old), and even Jeff Hardy, who should, by all rights, be in jail by now, stupid druggie piece of shit.

Anyway. TNA used to have a 6 sided ring (which I liked because it was a bit different) - yet this has been scrapped at the behest of that handlebar moustached has-been Hogan. This is really starting to get suspiciously like WCW was. Just you wait until Robocop comes back for an angle, like he did before. And what has WWE have to counter? A guy who does 5 moves, and a midget who think he's Irish. Fuck sake.



I'm almost ashamed to call myself a wrestling fan. I'm going to continue this later. Eurgh. I'm just...eurgh

The World according to Rich - Christmas

Ahhh, one of the best celebrations of the birth of a fictional character. Why is there no Spockmas? And no Spidermas? I'll tell you why, no-one really cares about what Christmas means, its just a great excuse to get hopelessly drunk, eat too much, and embarass yourself on Dance Dance Revolution.

Besides, if you go to church at Christmas, you end up sitting on a horribly uncomfortable bench for 3 hours learning about the birth of Jesus, which, because I am so fantastic to you all, I'll summarise:

Some virgin woman who essentially got raeped by God, was homeless for a bit, and then spat out a baby in a bunch of hay. There were other dudes there who followed a star or someshit, brought gifts of Jewgolds, Frankenstein and Mirror, shouted a bit, and then everyone went home.

Oh, and there were donkeys.

Now come on, who the fuck gives a baby spices and shit? Its like they totally forgot, and had to rush and get some cheap wank from the local Texaco in Nazareth. Its a bit..flimsy to be honest. However, sleeping in a barn was a good choice by Joseph, since I cant imagine the Premier Inns in the year 0 would be much better than they are nowadays.

Another annoying thing about this time of the year is shopping. Never before (other than when filling the car with petrol) have I seen my bank account witter to nothing faster than when Christmas shopping. And the lot of it as a load of wank anyway. Have you ever been to one of those shops called "Bedazzle" or "Spiritualissimo" - I should open one called "Shop O'Crap". £450,000,000 for a glass orb that's supposed to act as an aphrodisiac or someshit, feng shui beads, roast camels testicle, basically, if Koreans eat it, the shops sell it.

Why is it whenever you walk into one, it smells like a rotting corpse? Incense? Nonsense morelike. The shopkeepers arent much better, most look like a rotting corpse. With dreadlocks. The mid-90's is that way, pal.

Now, alot of you are probably thinking "What a miserable bastard" - well, if you're a newcomer, yes, I am a bit of one. If you've been following my blog, then HERPDERPDETECTIVE. I just dont like how Christmas has become so commercialised, the idea that you have to spend a shitload of money to have a happy one. You don't. All you need is friends or family, some booze, some nice food, and some games to play. Everything else, in my opinion, is a bonus.

Oh, and what's up with all the furniture sales on Boxing Day? It's advertised that you can buy a sofa set worth £3000 for £1600! ..Well why the fuck was it £3000 in the first place?! If the company can afford to hold that sale, why grossly inflate the price to begin with? Assholes. Any excuse to make a cheap buck from muggins. On the topic of television, it's almost universally crap. Repeats of shows that were made 30 years ago (admittedly, some of them are good to see again, but where are the original new shows?), and repeats of movies that everyone in the history of the galaxy has seen three hundred thousand times. Oh, and the Queen's speech. Oh-ho. Ready for this one?
Who actually watches this? Apart from people over 60. What's the point? Its just an hour of the Queen being oblivious to how shit everything is here. I'd bet that Gordon Brown will make an appearance at some point and grin like a one-eyed smug twat who has us all over a barrel. Now, I understand a portion of the population of the UK watch it religiously to be affirmed that the Queen hasn't forgotten about us, but what exactly has she done to help? Nothing. Statistics show that the UK is the most depressed country in Europe, and 8 in 10 people said 2009 was the shittest year they've had. Bollocks to this tripe. If she wants me to listen to her, then televise her shoving her Queenboot so far up the governments arse their crooked expenses claims shoot out of their nose. You can't tell me that seeing the Queen give Peter Mandelson a Shawn Michaels style superkick wouldn't be awesome.

Right, now I've got most of that off of my chest, I'm going to have a glass of sherry and throw ice at small children.

Merry Benicemas!